The arrival of our son Nicholas. What a little sweetheart our boy was and still is! I would love to say that this was one of the best days of my life but honestly it was one of the worst. I planned for a vaginal birth with an epidural (as much as I am totally holistic I didn’t feel like going through all that pain). I did all my breathing at home and when I noticed my contractions were 30 seconds apart we headed to the hospital. When we arrived I was already 9cms dilated! I felt great and I was managing through the painful contractions just fine. My doctor said the baby needed to come out and that there was no time for the epidural. I was actually fine with it. I thought if I spent all day breathing through to 9cm what is one more centimeter. The doctor broke my waters and I instantly went to 10cms. Here was the worst part. My baby was facing sunny side up and couldn’t go down the birth canal. No one knew this. After hours of pushing, my son’s heart rate began to drop. I had 7 nurses yelling at me to push. One nurse said that if I didn’t push hard enough I would kill my baby. It was hectic and awful. Between the vomiting and fainting and pushing this felt like hell. My first birth with Sophia was a breeze, so I had no idea what was going on. Again with all the screaming at me to push, no one knew that he couldn’t go through the birth canal because he was stuck. Now it was too late for the baby to have a c-section because his heart rate was dropping and fast. They had to pull him out with a vacuum and I was a mess. I don’t remember that moment. I didn’t have him placed in my arms because I was writhing in pain and had no pain killers or epidural. I couldn’t open my eyes for hours and I kept hearing screaming. It was me screaming and I had no idea. Honestly, if you are reading this you probably are thinking “good grief”. The only reason that I know it was a bad birth was that the next morning when my doctor came to check on me he said it was the worst birth experience he had ever had in 30 years. I felt awful inside. The beautiful thing is that my little son was healthy and well with no complications.
Many women after birth experience many emotions and physical pain. I had broken several lower vertebrae and everything else ‘down there’ was wrecked. I did heal 100% but it took one year. Time does heal but at that moment lying in the hospital, it was hard for me to see beyond the pain. I was just so thankful to have my healthy son in my arms and I knew I had to get strong to be the mama he needed me to be. He was such a peaceful little baby. With prayer and a ton of pelvic floor exercises, I was good as new in no time.
One thing that is so incredibly special about birth (ok besides his dramatic entry into the world) was the time you have alone with your baby afterward before heading home. That is if you have a hospital birth. I lay with him for two days praying over him and cuddling him. Love can heal everything. All I could think about was what a blessing this living breathing little angel was to me and how I knew I would guide him, love him, teach him and nurture him all the days of his life. So thankful.
ps: how awesome was my hubby to take these pictures. We wanted to take some ‘birthing’ pictures but there was no way through all the drama that Ben could take pictures. Yes it was hectic for me but Ben was really traumatized after the birth. He was mute. He couldn’t speak. For a man that I have only seen cry on our wedding day, he sat next to me in silence after the birth with tears rolling down his face. It definitely was rough on him too. We both didn’t expect it. So thankful he was there with me.
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